


cross my heart, i dare you

by coldguts



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, and no further romantic feelings, background thanzag, breakup/exes, no beta we die like zagreus, past megzag but not currently romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27127715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldguts/pseuds/coldguts
Summary: Sure enough, you spend enough time around someone with blood running through their veins and you’ll become ever more aware of emptiness within yours.--Megaera, and Zagreus, and what could never have been.
Relationships: Megaera & Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 140





	cross my heart, i dare you

**Author's Note:**

> Some quickly jotted down Megaera rambles. I really, _really_ adore her, and regardless of whether her and Zag's dynamic is romantic (I, personally prefer it not to be), it's clear they're both very important people in each other's lives, so I wanted to just indulge a bit w that!

She always knew they wouldn't last.

What is love, to a god? A feeling? An act? A wish that could never be fulfilled, always halfway to a grand finale that would never come? A mortal had reason to fear, reason to intertwine themselves with someone so purposefully and desperately, to want and to be wanted in return, clawing and clutching onto the one person they could keep in reach until finally they were torn from that embrace into the ether. Each human, disfigured by another into the shape of a safety net. 

She thinks he did love her, at one point, regardless of her apathy towards him. Where Megaera had eternity woven into her make-up he had life, voracity, _desire_ for more than what he had been born into. He loved her despite his father’s insistence he do so- usually the type to try anything to make the man unhappy- he loved her despite her giving almost nothing in return but her presence and her whip, he created love to relish in where there was none, all for the sake of love and life itself. 

Did she desire anything? Had she ever known the feeling?

Maybe something good _had_ come from being with him. Sure enough, you spend enough time around someone with blood running through their veins and you’ll become ever more aware of emptiness within yours.

Zagreus’s skin was ever hot, his breath hotter. She was born from the cold depths of the sea and only sunk further from the the sun as the years went on. Was it really so shocking she couldn’t help but stay put when the first ever instance of warmth touched her skin?

It wasn’t meant to last, and that was good.

She should have been the one to break things off, though.

Their first meeting was a memory almost funny, looking back. Introduced by your boss to his son, with certain…. “implications” on how you were to proceed moving forward with him. At the time she merely let herself smirk, comfortable in the knowledge that she’d spend an evening or two blessing him with her presence (a gift sought after by most of the men of age in the underworld, regardless of whether they’d been on the receiving end of her day job), impress the big boss, and be on her way.

If you told her _she_ would have been the one to stay? She wouldn't have even had the decency to laugh in your face.

  
Is it crazy she almost misses it now? Can she still escape the blame for all that happened, considering she unequivocally chose to walk that path?

No, it’s not the relationship, that vapid “love” she yearns over. It’s one of those feelings she once chastised mortals for falling prey to and throwing away their short, miserable lives for.

Does she miss being… missed?

Life shares a bed with Death, now. She knows it’s better for him that way, happier, more whole. Her own visits to his chambers had always been hollow, an act of service that Megaera would never admit to. 

What had been the _reason_ for all those years?

She still sees him every day. Sees him in the hallways of the house, in the lounge when drinking, sees him when she rips into his flesh, time after time in the depths of Tartarus. 

He never fails to toss her a half-smile, let a little banter flow back and forth, but it’s nothing like it used to be, how could it? She’s not the most important person in his life anymore. She shouldn’t be the most important person to him, she doesn’t _want_ to be his “person”. 

But is Megaera _anything_ to anybody?

Once revered with fear, she used to relish those obvious walks through the House on the way to Zagreus’s bedroom, bare heels heavy on the cold tiled floor, heads that would turn as she walked by, silent as they ever were around her, but eyes wide with the knowledge of the power she held, favoured not only in her job but now by the royalty of the house himself.

She finds those heads turning again these days as she trudges her way out of the River Styx, covered in blood and regrets and insolence, eyes ready to shoot daggers at anyone who would question how she found her way there, forcing the shame built up from every failed attempt beforethis back into the pits of her stomach.

What would death feel like, she sometimes wonders, with a real heart that could stop? Is it different for him? Is it worse? Is it better, simply by virtue of being _more?_

Her sisters were there, sometimes, in a capacity one could technically label as present, but she had given up on trying to earn them into a place in the House eons ago. 

She remembers those nights she would listen to Zagreus lament for hours, about his father, his father’s family, the toxicity that flooded every story he’d ever been told about them. And yet, on one level she had almost felt…. _jealous._ A sprawling, dysfunctional family was still, on some level, a family.

Her, Alecto, Tisiphone. All born from the same blood and yet…. there was something fundamentally _different_ about them. If she thought herself a lesser demotion of life, then her sisters were mere puppets to their causes.

There was only so long she could stay wanting, so many millennia she could spend attempting at a connection, a bond with something, anything, before she’d be a fool not to just let it go.

So she let it go.

She wondered sometimes, if she were to look inside their heads, would she even recognize the way they thought as sentience? Was it arrogance, for her to believe she was anything better?

Mother Nyx had watched over her since youth, as she did of every child raised in the House of Hades.

The maid, Dusa, and her had gotten on well as of late. A chat here and there, and evening spent gossiping in the lounge.

Superficial.

Megaera’s very creation lacked design. She was not cast into the bowels of this earth to love, or be loved- in fact, she was not cast here for any reason at all. She was _lucky_ to have been trusted with the opportunity to work for what she currently had, whether by the Master or the Night herself.

If a tool is what they needed her to be, a tool she would be. She had already let go of her chance at feeling like someone more, and she knew, deep down, she was better off for it. That going back would only make her more unhappy than she refused to admit she already was.

She knew who she was. She knew what she was good at. No one would ever be able to say she wasn’t enough for herself.

————

She stands alone at a table in the back of the lounge, as she does some evenings here and there, letting off an aura so repulsive no one would dare traverse through it for a boon such as her attention.

There _was_ a point, however many years, decades, millennia ago, that she would wish for someone to brave the tide and join her on these types of nights; her sisters, Nyx, maybe even that sleepy brat in the front hall would do. But one cannot have have their nectar and drink it too, and fantasies of comfort must fade eventually. Besides, she relishes in her peace now, in her solitude, in the fear and awe that comes with it.

“Are you saving that seat for someone, or might I be mistaken?”

She looks up to a face all too familiar, all too alien, all too alive that that it makes her feel in that moment like a mockery of the truly living.

“We’re both standing, Zagreus. Was that a pathetic attempt at being funny?”

He smirks, his dark eye squinted a hair tighter than the green. “Aw, you finally think I’m funny, Meg?”

“I think you’ve been spending too much time with that skeleton you keep in your closet.”

“Old Skelly!” Zagreus raises an eyebrow, leaning his elbows onto the high table, clearly easing into a conversation Megaera has no intention in having. “And how might you be acquainted, considering he only recently has come to live in my personal quarters, and I have no recollection of introducing the two of you?”

“…Things, Zagreus.” She shrugs, tossing the long lock of hair that falls in front of her face behind her, attempting to act as casual as she certainly does not feel. “Left a lot of shit in your room. Simply retrieving what’s mine.”

“Ah. Makes perfect sense for you to be poking round in the back while you’re at it, eh? Why, anyone would assume they left their earring in the training grounds.”

Meg begins to scowl but soon catches herself, sighting the amused look in Zagreus’s eye as reason to believe he’s purposefully trying to rile her up, and when has she ever given him what he wants?

“Are you here for something, Zagreus? Drop that butterfly charm of yours in the area?” She bites her tongue as the smirk on his face spreads into a full grin at that last question, cursing the bottle of nectar she currently hid under the table and its potencies.

“Oh hoh, jealous are we, my dear Meg?”

“I’d rather be on the receiving end of my own whip, Zag, than be back with you.”

“Funny you say that. I always did find it a rather pleasant experience, after all.”

He winks, and her fist slams down on the table, an attempt to drive him off where her glower could not succeed.

He doesn’t flinch.

“Zagreus. I won’t ask again. Can I help you, or are you just attempting to disturb my time off as much as physically possible?”

“…The latter?” She slams her other first down and he jumps back this time, hands held out in front of him. “Wording, wording! I just meant…. It’s been a while since the two of us just hung out, has it not?”

Her clenched fist relaxes, ever so slightly.

“…I know you have better things to be doing than hanging around here, Zagreus. Run along and give me some peace before I’m called out there to put you in your place again.”

“I don’t want to, Meg.” His voice is softer now, more genuine than amused. “...Would you kill me if I said honestly that I miss you?”

Megaera's mind piques at that. A lie, meant to further his goals in whatever he actually meant to be getting out of this conversation? Or has he finally taken pity on her, seen someone so pathetic and beaten down that he couldn’t help but try to bestow some of his good fate upon her?

"I would, and have killed you for a lot less."

“I miss you. I miss talking to you. I didn’t realize that the two of us parting ways meant that one of the most important people in my life was going to suddenly disappear from it.”

She lets a short, bitter laugh escape at that. “And what _did_ you think a breakup meant? Idiot.”

“You must know what I mean. You’re one of the only people I’ve ever had the pleasure of trusting, down here. Hell, I didn’t even tell Than, I told _you_ when I first decided I was going to escape.”

“I'm sorry if I’ve been a little busy trying to clean up the mess you’ve left behind.”

Zagreus’s face softens further. “And for your diligence, I thank you. I’ll be sure to send a great boon your way once I'm eating grapes and basking in the sun up on Olympus.”

“You still think Olympus is gonna welcome you with open arms, don’t you. Round you in the second you make it up there for a big family portrait, followed by what, a feast in your honour? Dionysus serenading you, Athena on the lyre?”

Megaera pauses, rocking the bottle of nectar on the ground back and forth with her foot as as a the silence settles. She can see the gears turning behind Zagreus’s eyes, calculating what he’s about to say next while they appear to be looking straight through her.

“I…. actually wanted to tell you something, Meg.”

If she had a heart, who knows, it might have stopped.

Is that why he’s back? To profess his love once again, even with his hand already in death’s pot? Does he really think things can just go back to the way things once were, or that she’d even _want_ to, regardless of his feelings?

“Zagreus, please, save me the theatrics, for both our sakes-”

“I’m going up there to look for my mother.”

….. _Ah._

Of course it wasn’t her.

But wait, the old queen, _how_ did he-

“Zagreus.” A sudden burst of sobriety calls her to attention. “You cannot be talking about who I think you’re talking about.”

“What, your old pal Persephone? Reckon I'm the last to hear about her, don’t you?”

“ _Zagreus.”_ She hisses, leaning further in, their casual convo turned suddenly into a clandestine rendezvous. “First off, _never_ refer to the Queen of the Underworld so casually as my friend _,_ lest you want your father casting me into the pits of Tartarus himself. Secondly,” Her wing reflexively closes in around them, providing a touch of protection from any lip-readers about. “Who the _hell_ told you about this? Your…. your _mother?_ ”

“So you _did_ know. Well, that’s one suspicion confirmed.”

Her voice drops even lower than normal. “You… you have no idea of the matters you’re dealing with here. You have no clue what it would mean for my job to have ever been found _thinking_ about her with the way things are, let alone discussing her with some punk like you.”

Her companion purses his lips, expression suddenly much harder to read than she was used to. “Oh, don’t worry about it, Meg. Not like I would have expected my partner, who I confided in thousands of times over the years about my family struggles to have ever told me that I have a secret mother out there on the surface, probably waiting for her son to return to her with open arms. Silly me.”

“Zagreus, blood and _darkness_ you are speaking from the most _ignorant-_ ”

“Meg.” He holds out a hand to stop her. “I think I deserved a little vent, if you could even call it that. I’m not mad.”

“So what. You're here to chastize me? Blame me for your own problems within your family?”

He reaches out hesitantly, pulling back once, before committing to carefully resting his hand over her still-clenched fist. “I wanted to tell you that because I trust you. I’ve always trusted you. Thought maybe you were in need of a reminder of that fact.”

She shivers at the sudden heat, halfway torn between wanting to rip his arm off and toss him like a mere wretch across the room for his audacity in touching her, and the desire to grab it with both hands and hold it across her face, soaking in every last drop of warmth until he runs as cold as she does.

Instead, still as the wind in Tartarus she stands, transfixed.

“I want us to be good again, Meg. I can’t just go on living my life without you in it.”

“You expect me to just forget about what a jerk you were at the end there, Zag? Forgive it, even, just because you told me your little secret? A secret that could get me _fired_ from my post, if they found out I knew?” She scoffs. “You have as much nerve as the day I met you.”

“You told me once that was one of my most attractive qualities.”

“I think your weak, fleshy ears are feeding you lies, Zag.”

Zagreus smiles, looking down and lightly tapping the bottle of nectar that sat between them with his foot.

“Contraband, by the way? How scandalous.”

She frowns, suddenly embarrassed he had somehow spotted that on his way over.

“…You’ve driven me to drink, fool. Only way to hold back the river of tears. Aren’t you only supposed to come in here when you're r eady to grovel with an apology, or something like that?”

“Aw Meg, is that some banter I spy in there?” His smile grows ever-so-slightly sweeter, and her demeanour is forced to soften.

“...Does Thanatos know? About the Queen?”

He shakes his head, a handful of embers from his flickering laurels descending onto the table. “I… I think you may have vastly overestimated where Than and I are at right now, actually. Things are still… very in the works there. I don’t think a sudden realization like that would really do good for the precariousness of it all.”

“He _is_ like a spooked cat, that one.” She gently flares her eyes at him. “Can never get in a word with him before he’s zapping off to go sulk in a corner somewhere. Can’t say I’m envious of your position.”

“I once heard Hypnos say that wooing him would be like wooing a cactus with the ability to teleport, and by the gods I think he may have been right.”

Meg allows herself to smile lightly there, and leans her weight onto her elbows on the table.

“Zagreus.”

“Megaera, Sir?”

“Repeat what I’m about to say ever again and I’ll kill you.”

“My fleshy, blood-filled ears are wide open.”

“…I might have missed you too.”

Zagreus's smirk grows into a full blown grin, and he jumps up to his tip-toes, a sweet attempt to meet her at eye level, despite the foot and a half of height separating them. 

“I knew it. Trust me Meg, you didn’t even have to say the words. Embarrassed yourself for nothing!”

Her eyes narrow and she leans in as she gives him the best “big, scary Fury” face she can muster. “Don’t think this means _anything,_ Zagreus. And don’t think I’ll be going easy on you just because I know you’re causing all this chaos so you can be cradled in your mother’s arms like you never got to as a kid.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. In fact, hopefully my newfound reputation as a mama’s boy annoys you to the point you go _harder_ on me! Would welcome a bit of a challenge from you these days, tell you the truth.”

“ZAGREUS _, YOU-”_

And so they drink. They drink, Megaera stops herself from choking Zagreus with her bare hands on more than one occasion, and to their respective chambers alone they return. Maybe the nectar running through her is what blood feels like, she wonders.

Maybe she miscalculated the amount of life stirring within her. 

Maybe there is someone’s heart that she holds a special place in. And maybe, just maybe, even after everything, he can still hold a place in hers.

**Author's Note:**

> A bit more rambly than plot-driven, just wanted to write about her for a bit. Thank you for reading if you made it to the end !


End file.
